How I Balance My ADHD
Updated: Dec 4, 2019
Hi, my name is Bianca Rose, and I have a story to share about the science behind maintaining balance in human relationships after studying myself and my experiences, positive and negative, over the last few years. If you haven’t already, check out my first book The 24-Day Conversation With The Universe for $4 on all major book platforms to see an example.
This post details how I had to start reallocating my energy with proper balance now. I hope it makes sense, because this has taken several months for me to put together. I had highs and lows I had to go through, but it ironically got easier to understand as I applied this very same strategy. That’s why I’m able to talk about it in detail now.
Surprisingly enough I didn’t realize that writing my 2nd book would’ve taken me on a journey through my roots and who I am. I learned more about why my family is the way they are, and ultimately why I am the way I am. I was making major connections that made my past make sense and was helping me get back to a natural me I forced myself to come out of after purposefully after baptism (which is a crazy connotation to African slaves animosity towards Europeans forcing Christianity). Most shocking of all, I realized that there was a badder bad than what we have being taught all of our lives. The type of bad I discovered, they don’t teach in the media, in books.
There’s a different type of bad. It’ so real that the only way to know it is through action and the results of your conscience thereafter. It is only then you can know what I’m talking about! Not the bad that shoots each other in the streets over power, not the bad that murders people for sickening reasons, not the bad the cusses and intimidates people, not even the bad that walks out of their crib with a fly ass outfit or gold chains, and definitely not the different types of bads that governments put in place to protect the interests of the rich or the majority. There is a bad that protects humanity better than any of the bad I just mentioned, that is above man-made laws and actually has the ability to fully control the law. As consciousness increases amongst humanity, the amount of power we have over broken systems will become more evident. These bad people that I’m talking about, are the bravest human beings on the planet because they deal with the shittiest of human beings, genuinely, on a way deeper and more profound level than arresting somebody or cussing someone out. They took up the responsibility to protect the most vital thing we humans have, the only thing we know if that still exists after death — the human soul.
My mom is one of those people with examples you can read about in my next book, Fearless: Dissection of Jamaican Spirituality. With this clearer understanding of my foundation and the shoes I needed to fill, I realized at that moment - I needed to get a better understanding of myself — right. now. I realized how outside of myself I have been for years and why it was so hard to find myself again once lost. A blessing and a curse all my life has been having an excess amount of energy. My parent’s perfect combo of love AND sternness provided a firm foundation for me where I didn’t need any other intervention to help me sustain it, but into my early adult years I soon discovered I needed to find my own ways to do so. On my 28th year of life, Saturn’s Return was totally in effect and I found myself at a permanently stuck place I needed to grow from. Any unhappiness I was feeling was rooted to negative experiences with people that I couldn’t control because I could only control my vibe. I consider myself a positive person. No matter the situation, I am courageous enough to say I always look forward and aim to evolve into the best me. I detailed the process of understanding and solving my ADHD issues without the help of medical professionals or prescribed drugs. Overtime, these disorders have gotten worst for me.
Beyond the fact of me having these disorders, I realized something even more powerful than the disorders themselves, that they’re manageable without any medical intervention. These disorders only became a thing after I started adulting, when I attempted to do it all by myself without the foundation of my parents. America is not too savvy on the spiritual and wholistic way of life and I don’t predict things to change overnight, but pods throughout the country have always been taking action in different ways to LOVE more. It’s getting more beautiful as time goes. So I decided to go back to the foundation my mom set up for me except this time, I had to do it by myself without the help of my mom since I’m an adult now. It was time to get into my scientist mode, I had to save myself (and I guess that saying is right)! In fact, I even started to wonder if these disorders that Africans never had until Europeans decided that certain behaviors should have names, developed because Europeans didn’t know how to properly love and caretake Africans like Africans do (and how Africans have done for European babies even while enslaved). I mean it gets DEEPER than that, but there is much more to the word LOVE than I realize people know.
And this is where I started to make sense of who I AM present-day. I always find that I am the most motivated, most actionable in any groups I’ve been in throughout my life, which made me then realize that I never really had cliques, I was always was a powerhouse that led by example and stayed connected to other powerhouses to stay motivated. When I was raised with my parents, their energy dominated me, then my siblings (who also were behaved kids and excellent students), then a few friends I had similarities with in academics and sports. Because I did so well, older people always found themselves around me congratulating me, inviting me into new opportunities, so I also developed an early appreciation for mentors. I didn’t have too many friends although everyone kinda knew who I was because of my nonstop vibes. Now at 28 (the year of Saturn’s return — the fire in me is back), I did a breakdown of the types of people I’ve had in my life since approaching my 20s.
I discovered there are 4 types of people in my life:
1) Those that recognize and take care of me when I’m at my lowest, they are aware of my special needs and know exactly how to attend to them (mom, brother, aunts/uncle/ cousins, friends).
2) Those that seek out my energy to have fun and share good vibes (associates, that can turn into friends)
3) Those that seek out my energy for guidance or support (mentees, that can turn into friends)
4) The ones that show love and support for what I do without me having to ask, or even rarer, without me needing to acknowledge them. (mentors)
1) Those that recognize and take care of me when I’m at my lowest (mom, brother, cousins, friends) — these are the people that I will always need for the rest of life if I want to survive and make it alive. As a human being we’re always going to have low points, the question is, who is going to be there to 100% love you after you make mistakes the way that you need? Not the way they want to or know…? These questions made me realize that this group of people are usually evident in your life because you’re automatically always attracted to them — you always stay connected. You notice these people (1) from early in your life (2) or there is immediate action in any first encounter that reminds you of the actions people from early in your life took to love you and mold you the way they did. This group is very strict and it should be. These are the people that protect your soul and want to protect your soul.
2) Those that seek out your energy to have fun —— These are good people for the most part, but could be bad company depending on which direction you’re trying to going in in life. Instead of “bad company” I’d rather say “company that’s just not good for the areas in my life I’m trying to outgrow” — because I don’t feel like people are intentionally bad. These people are the people to call for an adventure or a fun night out. To call when you’re feeling low and don’t really want to talk about it, you just want to have a good time to get your spirits up so you can return to the situation more positively.
These relationships have taught me that being kind and being friends can be two different things but provide the same positive effect on someone’s life that somebody like me desires to have on people, without having to give as much as I thought. For years, I not only associated, but equated friendship with fun. A myriad of things can happen when you do things like that. You compromise who you are and the standards you have for human morale, potentially being the reason you jeopardize your own future, but things happen outride of your control. That mentality can also lead other people like me (who aren’t in complete control of themselves either to get into drugs, drinking, and other bad habits that fill a void you allow people to take when you’re honest with who you are to them. But I learned too slowly that you’re not supposed to do that and even if it takes years later, people WILL show their true colors with disappointing responses when you speak your truth. I smoke a lot of weed, and I’ve had enough drunk-black out situations with my mom, brother, and close friends (of them telling me I look like I’m going through an exorcism!) for me to realize that I had to stop, drop everything and get a handle on myself because there were some crazy things my spiritual/conscious self was not recognizing and I felt very disconnected to who I was. I made a correlation with my excessive smoking and drinking; as my foundation changed up, I changed, and my behaviors changed.
I had to start being honest with myself like yo, I’ve done this for this person and this for that person. But this person still doesn’t care enough to make sure I’m not drunk before I get into a car, or care enough to willingly take some cute pics of me like I would them without having to ask, or like your pics on social media and show support when you’re really feeling yourself because they know you’re in a high state of energy. When am I going to realize the imbalance? That’s not their fault, that’s mines. Because I’ve outpoured my energy and that is now the love language I set for that relationship. They now know they don’t really need to do too much in order to get my energy because that’s the tone I set by overgiving. It’s like, “oh shit, she shows me this much attention and love, and I don’t even have to say/do/be much?” I had to tell myself, wake up. You are undervalued.
3) Those that seek out my energy for support (because they know I am most likely going to 100% love it and brief them if not, give them input and share my present and future support). In life, there’s balance. There are people you learn from, and there are people you lead by example, although there’s always a potential for reciprocation in both. With younger people, it’s a lot easier to maintain these relationships for a longer time because they naturally have respect for people older than them, as I know I naturally do. But with people older than you, it’s very easy for them to fill a void you have created for yourself (especially if you’ve trusted and shared weaknesses with them — which you’re not supposed to do too much of because that’s not how the relationship started), with the info that they know…because that’s what they know, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the most conducive information for you at this moment in your life, or for you at all. Of course everyone has something valuable to teach, but not everyone’s teachings is for you. It doesn’t take long for the essence and the point of this relationship to get lost IF you don’t always remember your role in the first place. I didn’t give myself enough credit with what I was bringing to the table which dishonors these types of relationships, and things will get off balance. I got too caught up into a good vibe.
2 &3) BOTH: It’s very easy for these types of relationships to turn into friendships, so it’s very important to take your time IF you’re going to decide to develop a deeper relationship. You don’t want to go too fast and bypass small sentiments that make you uneasy, but not big enough to make a big deal about because you really want to keep a connection. Dangerous long-term. You don’t want to end up faking any positive vibrations for the sake of having fun with someone or having any type of a relationship. Sometimes you might feel the need to in order to preserve a continual connection or to hold on to a 100% positive image of someone’s background, or maybe for other reasons beneficial for you— it’s hard for you to let go. Things can happen out of your control too. I’ve had people tell me they didn’t want to be apart of something good because a “friend” done certain things or has a certain image or attitude, and I’m just like * face palm* WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW. This is absolutely not why I have been putting the time and effort into myself and my projects all these years. Any friend that I have will tell you that if you communicate with me (the good and the bad), I’ll ride for you because communication is key for me, and that’s it for me. I have exemplified this in the past with friends. I keep secrets, I will be real with you and/or decisions, I will help you hold up your image if someone is trying to affect it negatively. I am a ridah if we keep consistent communication and vibes. If vibes fall off, communication will eventually fall off.
I have been in situations where I had to boldly ask some people in my life, yo what’s wrong with your vibe, or someone around them? I also lost out on other friendships because I wasn’t exercising energy properly. One friend would get 25% attention from me and another would get 2%, and sometimes the 2% friend can see that the 25% friend isn’t as good for you as you thought, but because you are not giving THEM the attention THEY deserve, you also lose out on that connection. So you're kinda alone. I had to check myself (for the millionth time) to make sure that every person I call a friend, I’m really treating them like a friend. Are they treating me like a friend? When it comes to you and your work, are they the type to consistently find something negative to say or acknowledge the growth and share a prosperous vibe? And how much energy do I have left to spread before the water in the drain starts to get lower and lower? Where does the reciprocation come back in? How do I balance this out? Do I even have complete control of this! If I’m going to continue being supportive, but can only be around people that (1) love me for who I am and (2) know way more than me OR make way more money than me (in ways attainable for me) — should I just consolidate what exactly it is BIANCA ROSE needs in a friend and stick to that without trying to friend everyone, without having to worry how I’m going to balance out relationships? Because I cannot go through this again for the rest of my life.
Take your time and be honest about who you are, your past, your family, the good, the bad, only if you feel like the vibrations of that person is valuable enough for you to take the relationship further into a real friendship. Reciprocate. Start to get to know the person, especially their weaknesses. Their fun habits and strengths were probably already obvious and attracted you to them in the first place that’s not necessary to watch anymore cause now you’re invited into their personal space. Know their weaknesses so you can think of ways of supporting and differentiate yourself from others in their life that are all trying to have fun or get some support on something, if you want to have a relationship. Therefore the relationship can go from just having fun to cultivating a real friendship. You might come from very different backgrounds where it can take time to understand and respect each other and your views on life. The more different, the longer it will take, but it’s possible. Respect the process and don’t put your needs, first, though it's hard. Respect the process and let the good vibe slowly and permanently develop so it can last. This is a rule I’m now serious about taking up, because I want my relationships to last forever.
A lot of times people can take up both spaces in your life (# 2 and #3) if you have both strengths to offer. It’s important you always remember your worth in either situations and why/how the relationship begun in the first place, so you know what’s going to continue to work if you want to maintain a positive and consistent connection, unless they're ready to evolve and reciprocate onto other levels. This is only the case for people who aren’t in control of themselves in your life and/or who felt like they owned a space in your life or a space was owed to them. The hardest part of getting the energy back into balance with people in groups #2 and #3 is the negative emotions you sense people are going to feel, and if you are really a vibesy person, it will take longer for you to take action when you’re supposed to. People will feel negative emotions from you distancing yourself and will think it's moreso them, then you. They’ll get into defensive mode, and it shows sometimes, sadly. I hope young women can read this and understand this from early on because 1) you don’t want to jeopardize your future and 2) you don’t want to have to disconnect with anybody, friend or lover, ever. The process isn't favorable and shouldn't be.
4) The ones that show love and support for what I do without me having to ask, or even rarer, without me needing to acknowledge them. The souls of these people speak very loud to me and as I’m maturing and outgrowing out of this phase, I’m noticing them more again,— the people that fall into this category are usually mentors. I myself have mentors, always have, and the reason why I still have relationships with many is because I always assumed my role as a mentee and held the utmost respect for mentors. If you know more than me period, I respect you. I talk about this on my self-care part of my blog. This is a part of my life I am currently bringing into check now.
Get everyone back into alignment into your life mentally. If their energy is not rocking with it, honor the separation, it wasn’t meant to be, and carry on the good vibrations to the future, leave the negative behind (which will be easy to when you disconnect). Although it’s not your concern, I realize that getting yourself back into alignment also weirdly leads other people into getting back into alignment sometimes, they wake up when you wake up because they never knew you were not alive. Someone has to do it first. Someone always has to lead by example, sometimes I hate it because life pressures you the most to make changes. Futhermore you cannot vibe with people on a level that you want to. I’ve been doing pretty good evolving throughout my 20s and maintaining a good vibe outside of negative experiences, and considering other existential circumstances in my life. I still managed to hold on to some very fun pastimes that contributed to my evolution outside of any negativity. I now plan to wrap up my 20s strongly.
I did the five love languages test and I found out that one of my love languages is receiving gifts. It‘s a famous book and a test that everyone does to see the best ways to love them. There’s 5 different types and I had 3, that was one. People might look at it as being a gold digger but I think this is different. Now I understand that it’s not something I can ignore because this is the way I was molded. In order to keep my energy at bay, my mom would either yell so the whole world could hear or beat my ass, and all my dad had to do was talk and you’ll feel bad for disappointing him. In order to keep my energy going, if I ever drained myself from doing too much, they would reward me with something that I wanted, whether it was something tangible or being able to go to a friend’s house or even if it’s one thing that I wanted. I ALWAYS get this extra burst of energy to go harder. As badly as I want to laugh at the fact that I know I’m going to need a VERY giving man since husbands and families is now going to take up most of my energy, I have to courageously accept the way I am with this condition and the lessons that worked for me growing up. I know I’m a giver, but I don’t allow myself to receive as much as I give and that’s why these last few years have brought me down to ground zero. I know I basically have to just keep working hard and keep sharpening my discipline in hopes that I continue to attract the right partners/friends that recognizes me working hard and shows me love, as I would. So I just simply need to make sure I’m sticking to my love languages I had in the first place.
As Sizzla sings, "you can’t get a good woman down!”
It’s important to note that all four groups are GOOD groups. There are two in your life that gives you energy, and two that moreso takes, but that’s the balance of life I think. And if properly balanced I feel like you are actually at your best! And within all 4 there coud be an imbalance. You don’t necessarily have to make room for # 2s and 3s (and a lot of people do NOT) lol but if you do, take your time and enjoy the process. I made a choice to keep # 2s and # 3s but I have to go through a period of refamiliarizing myself hard with peeps of #1 and #4 because I've ignored them for too long. Now after basically looking back in history over the past few years, I realized that there was definitely an imbalance in some of my relationships within these groups.
These are the changes you can expect with each group after starting to apply this strategy of rebalancing your energy:
1) No change = the vibrancy of the relationship remains the same because these people already assumed a fixed position in your life. You could do whatever you want and they’ll always be there for you. Don’t abuse it, there will be distance. Too much of one thing or the other is never a good thing. If you mean well and show it in your actions, they will never leave your corner and will always know how to put you in the best position to succeed. You should never force anybody to be here. They show it through their actions and you place accordingly. I scarily had some people in this group that I had to mentally remove in order to preserve a connection if there was some good in their soul, because I was holding the same expectation for them that I would expect from this core group. That was completely my fault now that I’m aware. It does always take two to tango, but if both aren't being conscientious then only one will assume fault, so one will always be a victim and one will always be a perpetrator.
2) A change = people who feel a change in relationships here could feel unbothered because they have different sources of good vibes in their life to easily fill that void of positivity and fun that was taken. Self-care comes in different forms and you should check out what I have to say about self-care when you're done reading this. That’s an easy way for there to be no change in vibes. But if you were ONE of the only ones OR THE only one that filled that void for them that they couldn’t fill for themselves when it comes to fun, they might feel singled out, giving into their emotions and not consider yours and what you have been going through in your life, or acknowledge how you’ve been able to navigate pass obstacles and still accomplish goals and maintain a life. I want to keep the connection, but I also want to be around people to match my vibes. I want people in my life who loves me and mines, as much love as I love them and theirs. Simple. The lack of reciprocation eventually shows itself. If my energy is YE high, then I’m going to have to put myself around energies that are YE high to likely attract what my soul needs.
3) A change = like #2, if these people have other sources to give themself the attention they need then there will be no change and they will still value you and understand that you’re busy dating with something. But don’t severe connections until you’ve multiple attempts of rebalancing the energy, they came into your life for a reason. Let God take control.
2 & 3) = A major change. This has been the hardest transition for me and for others I can see, and most of the time the last transition to acknowledge and tackle because of the will to want to keep positive vibrations. Relationships that were connected to me through both 2 and 3, are more likely to be permanently disconnected . They will try to find manipulative ways to hold on to you. Something I’ve become way too used to by always being the stronger one. I’ve realized because I’m nice, people get confused and think certain morals and standards in life are negotiable for me. I would also like to add, that the reason why people usually ask for space is to get themselves together in the moment, It’s not to severe a connection permanently but it is an emergency/courtesy call that I am drained and I need some space.
4) No change, they’re like the # 1s to me. However, I will say they are not family/friends and they did not watch you get raised. They don’t have as much loyalty to you as #1 does, but they are in your life because they want to be, DO NOT WASTE THEIR TIME.
Reality also hit me again when I realized what got me into this current social position I am in the first place. I’ve always done what I want and it has always made me an example to others (in terms of being a bad ass that goes after what she wants). For the last several years I took a backseat and felt like I gave myself enough energy, I had a track record of good shit — I wanted to still be great but share some of this energy with others and maybe others will share theirs with me so we can all become greater. Going into this mentality I did NOT understand the balancing of energy giving and the importance of reciprocation and this was an experience I had to go through before my restart.
I realized how cautious I have to be of relationships now, being very careful of the energy I first give off because I realize I have the ability to make people feel so good, that they become used to that from me. There can’t be no more “OMGOSH I LOVE YOU AND I'M GOING TO SUPPORT YOU FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES AND NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP US.” You probably laughed at that if you know me, because that’s my normal energy, but people don’t realize that this is how I make everyone feel — genuinely. I don’t treat anyone differently. Imagine how exhausted I feel after never realizing this for 28 years. I set myself up for expectations from ALL of these people all the time because of my initial energy in our first interactions, which I in no way could‘ve predicted when I made a life-changing decisión around baptism. That genuine energy is DRAINING, because it's very authentic and real. It’s the type of love you give your kids. I’m still trying to find ways for people to understand that I love to be by myself but I love connecting with people, after I feel like my responsibilities are balanced. You gotta give ambitious people like me with a million things to do time to miss you! The only people I seek connecting with regularly are # 1s and # 4s. I now understand I need them more than I thought.
My last few years just made me realize how crucial it is for me to take my time with my energy within relationships in order to ensure the longest lasting relationship possible. I wouldn’t say giving an excessive amount of energy to people is a bad thing to do, but you have to be careful who you’re giving it to and make sure the reciprocation matches up. There are so many causes, initiatives and people in need that could really benefit from a high energy human being with a heavy moral compass. I’m understanding my value more and realize how I can still have a connection with everybody with a careful application of energy. Let’s see how I do for this next chapter of my life: chapter 30.
After all of the discovery, I realized how many things I did not know, that if I did know, I could’ve been ahead of my time and saved relationships. I’m happy I have an idea now and although I’m in the beginning of a new chapter, I like to share teachable moments because someone is always going through something. People will tell you that I SHARE my weaknesses and my solutions. This is something that could be very motivational for people like me, givers. As much as I’ve felt like a victim countless times, I also force myself to push through. I would’ve never written about such a deep topic if I wasn’t able to point the fingers back to myself, and promise to not change who I am to people or how I treat them, even if we grow apart. If everyone feels like a victim in your situations, then to me that says you have outgrown each other and you stuck around each other way too long. You were attending to each others wants but not needs. If you can pull yourself from victim mode to leader mode, there’s a 1/2 chance for a connection. The other 1/2 is depending on the other person and their growth, and you may never see that. Don’t wait on it because this is also a form of energy-taking without the other person even trying.
Don’t be surprised if you start seeing detailed articles on this type of ish in the future. Energy is real and it’s something you feel and as human beings we need to be more careful with our distribution of it. I am so sensitive to it. I have had the ability to master it for years now, and I can basically look back at my life and tell you exactly why things happened, and what’s going to happen next if I exercise what I'm supposed to. The hardest part is applying the action! As always! Especially because action includes disconnecting (an act —whether you want to believe it or not)! I have been seeing the results I predicted once I took that leap of faith to believe in the science of energy amongst human beings. Now I am looking forward to finishing the process so I can see who’s on the other side with me when I come out of the dark completely. I HOPE I’m not the only one for the sake of good vibes.
If you haven't been able to tell, I’ve now prescribed myself with love for real. I really operate off of vibes. This is not a joke, I realize how it can really make or break you with or without it. And I seriously now realize the types of people I have to have around me to have fun, and the ones I have to have around in order to flourish. Maybe you were ignited to read this because you have similar "medical conditions" or experiences as me, or maybe you are just motivated or inspired by my courage to share my story. Whatever the case may be I hope this deep insight of myself, provided a deeper insight of yourself or other people in your life with ADHD, and truly wish you well on your journey to your highest self!
One love <3